Have you outsourced your home front commitment management? Put it another way – are you a lazy slob that is letting his wife/partner manage your responsibilities? Okay, that may be harsh…
Wait, let me guess your significant other has a list for you to go knock down on the weekends like so many average men in this country. Have you ever stopped to think about why you as a grown man are letting this is happen? You ever consider what this does to the attraction levels of your wife/partner? How about your own sense of self worth?
- How are you managing your own to do’s on the home front?
- Do you have a system that you are using to manage things?
I’m not talking about the system where you wake up late on a Saturday and stumble into getting something done later that day – maybe. Or worse – your system is whatever has been texted to you/written down for you/yelled at you for you to get done.
- Do you have the trust from your family that they know you got the fortitude to get things down around your castle?
Are you one of these guys that ‘putters around’ the house – ambling around like a confused mouse in the garage and shed between half cocked (see what I did there?) projects that linger like halitosis? I know a close friend or two that has a dozen unfinished projects and even though they are busy – they don’t finish. I’m not sure which is worse, half started projects or complete avoidance. Either way, if you identify with either of these scenarios – you are weak.
Let me set this straight for you – if your partner is having to manage you in any way, you are on the road to destroying attraction with them. She does not want to manage your lazy ass, truth be told – she can barely handle her own tasks, many times. She is yearning for you to deliver, create, and follow through independently – with a strong point of view in an assertive manner. If she is setting the direction for your home front projects, you are already losing, if not lost already. There is a partnership in play – absolutely – but it requires you to have your own point of view, and in some cases – a strong enough one that has you setting some direction in terms of what needs to get done around the place. Attraction levels and having a sliver of conviction in your point of view go hand in hand. There’s a whole school of thought behind this paragraph that I’ll likely dig into down the line, back to the subject at hand…
To better manage your home front and ensure attraction levels aren’t destroyed by your reluctance to own your own shit as the man of the family – you have to be somewhat clueful in terms of what you need to get done around the home or homes that you have together. This likely means keeping track of your projects and a sense of priority. I’ll talk about tools that can streamline the management of your backlogs, for now a simple notebook with a running list of projects is a great start. Many men don’t even have this.
- Okay, you now have a list of backlogged projects for the home – do you have a sense of how much time you can devote to completing something?
- Do you have a sense of how you can ‘chunk it up’ so that you can get something meaningfully advanced in an hour?
Once you have a sense of how much time a piece of the project is going to take – reflect on your prior estimates. Are you awesome at this or are you usually 50% off in terms of time spent. I can tell you on home improvement tasks that involved woodworking in the past – i usually underestimated the project by a good 70% – so something that I think will take a few hours on a Saturday morning – likely will take a day and a half. Consider this.
Okay, now you have your list of projects, project chunks, and roughly how much time you think these chunks are going to take. Guess what the next step is? Getting shit done. You don’t need to tell anyone about your estimation process or even what your plans are in all cases – just handle your business and start knocking shit out. Your family will notice, and you don’t need to make a big deal out of it. Guess why?
This is one of your jobs as the man of the house – take care of your business. Just get this shit done, and get ready for a never ending stream of delivery and of creation around the home if you are doing it right. Trust me on this – you should NOT expect a pat on the back or even a thank you from anyone for doing your damn job. If you have a strong man (could be your brother, father, or a close friend) around – they will notice the uplift in your vibe. Men knowing men is another topic for another day however…
One cautionary note however – this doesn’t give you license to spend your day in the shed, outside, or in the garage screwing around on your projects to avoid your wife or your family. I have seen this very recently where a guy I know is outside on Saturday’s doing projects outside all day. His driveway is leaf blown a good 30 minutes – seemingly each weekend. That’s avoidance and a garbage tactic. I’m talking about being mindful of your home front commitments (really managing yourself better) to better create space for time with those you love and care about without ever entering Naggville. If you are living in Naggville, get your backlog in that damn notebook, figure out how long it is going to take to get stuff done, and start knocking things out.
One final hack that I’ve used to great effect – hire a handyman to help you crush tasks quickly.
A few tasks that you can outsource, intentionally, will give you some quick wins and help you build momentum. I have an incredible guy that i bring in at least once a month to help me with a myriad of things, and he gets my ‘honey do’ list that I AUTHOR. I have it arranged so that if he has dry spell of work or if it is bad weather outside – he knows he can text me the day of and get some work for a few hours – as I always have a list ready for the guy. He cuts me a break on the cost now, as he knows I’m a schedule buffer for him, and I know exactly what I need him to do – always. Ideally , I’d have two handymen – just haven’t found a second guy that is as reliable. Still looking though.
It is okay to outsource your home commitments if you do so intentionally, and never to your wife/partner. They have enough of their own commitments to attend to – let alone having to manage your lazy ass.
If you don’t have that backlog list written down somewhere – step away from the screen and take 10 minutes to build the beginnings of that list.
Get after it.
