Just over a year ago, I took an online course taught by Kelly McGonigle at Stanford University. The course was focused on willpower, and the basis of the course was the book that she authored a few years back titled, <span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Willpower Instinct</span>. There are a number of reasons why I sought this out as a topic, and the class was an incredibly rewarding 10 week journey that prompted a number of breakthroughs.
To be brutally honest, it was a book I had been eyeing for quite awhile, but I have a very below average ability to finish off a book that I start. I suffer from shiny object syndrome when it comes to reading books – particularly self development books. When I found out that she was going to be teaching the online course – it was an absolute no brainer for me to take it.. There are easily a dozen posts that could be pulled from the learnings out of the course. For this post – I’m taking on a topic that has been raised a few times over the last few months, and again in three different conversations since I started this journey of 84 days.
Where do I start?
Well, in the not too distant past – I would answer this question with a really tough one – what’s your vision of yourself?? Then, the second question would be, if I was talking with a guy, do you lift at all?
What I’ve learned in the past year in particular – is that most people do not have a vision for themselves that they have put to paper, and many guys are not lifting – let alone lifting heavy. There is a quasi implied judgement in these questions, as by my asking – I’m effectively saying ‘well you SHOULD be lifting. You SHOULD have a vision.’
Having been judged in the past with shoulds from some people – I have recognized how unhelpful these quasi-judgy questions truly are. The last thing anyone needs is me or anyone else judging you, even if it is obliquely.
So where to start to get a toehold on the life you want? Start today with one thing for yourself. Start to cultivate one habit today. Just one thing. I have provided this guidance to a few close buds recently, and I’m told that one thing is not too much to ask. One new habit will enable you to layer on additional ones. It could be as mundane as no dirty dishes in the sink. Or making your bed before you do anything else. I’m sure we all can take on one more habit that we have been meaning to do.
A few points of recommendation for you:
- Start small and simple.
- Start today, not tomorrow.
- Aim for variability reduction in your habit, stated another way – focus on consistency rather than perfection.
Let’s take these in more detail:
Start small and simple.
If you need to start working out, and you have not done so in years – how about starting a daily habit of a 10 minute walk as opposed to attempting to doing weight training 6 days out of the week. Start with something manageable that you know you can hit, and build from there. Habits and improvements are like muscles in many ways. If you have ‘habitual atrophy’ – own it and start simply and start with something that will give you greater courage for more impactful goals down the line. Momentum is the goal here, not total attainment of your idealized self.
Start today, not tomorrow. And reduced variability.
In The Willpower Instinct, research from behavioral economist, Howard Rachlin, is cited as a way to start today and to greatly increase your chances of cultivating a new habit.
The ‘hack’ that is cited is to instead of aiming solely for the new habit or behavior change – focus instead of increasing the desired outcome and reducing your behavior variability. It is a slight nuance, but it is exceptionally powerful if you approach it with an openness to your behavior being variable – although over time you know that you will continue to improve. This takes out the tendency to self judge, to fall off the wagon and regress, and it gives you the freedom to act on a daily basis on a moment to moment basis. There is freedom in this approach, rather than self loathing for messing up that many experience – myself included – when you mess up.
Citing the book here, this is worthwhile advice:
” Aim to reduce the variability of your behavior day to day. View every choice you make as a commitment to all future choices. So instead of asking, ‘Do I want to eat this candy bar now?’ ask yourself ‘Do I want the consequences of eating the candy bar every afternoon for the next year?’ Or if you’ve been putting something off that you know you should do, instead of asking ‘Would I rather do this today or tomorrow?’ ask yourself, ‘Do I really want the consequences of always putting this off?’ ”
This notion of daily questions of the choices will increase your mindfulness, and you can still choose to have that extra bowl of ice cream after already having a big steak dinner. This is many times a struggle for me after a big meal…
Regardless of your choice today, this approach will help you in pursuing greater habitual consistency, and if you focus on starting ONE thing, today – it will help you gain momentum on larger asks of yourself.
Try it out.
78 to go.
Hi Mark,
Thank you for sharing with us who are interested in improving their life. To me the greatest way to start the day is to be humble enough to get on your knees and say,” Good morning, Lord. In the name of Jesus Christ, give me the Grace to do what I need to do today in a safe, productive, and joyful manner.”
When you start with our Lord, greatness will happen . Mark, I really feel that doing this will help a lot of people and yourself.
Love You, Mom and Dad