Does that image above represent your style, maybe the hours shift a little for you? Well, it is a fallacy that such a separation even exists...
Well over a decade ago, I found myself working alongside a man that has continued to inspire me with a resilience and integrity level that is matched by only one other person I’ve met in my life. The first man was my boss at the time, and the second man is my father.
My boss and now mentor and friend imparted a line on me that I did not fully internalize until about a year or so ago. It is a simple line and likely lost on many that hear it for the first time. My reaction and internalization of the philosophy was one of brash ignorance.
It was too simple.
It was too trite.
It was true for him maybe, but for me – my situation was way more complicated… turns out it was, and I was the guy making it complicated…
Here’s the line he dropped on me in a way too cramped office in Waltham, MA at the time:
‘Life is life, bro.’
The context is important of what prompted this, and I’ll share that here in a moment. I’ll also admit to me complication of the truth, and the realization of how the simplest things are many times the truth.
So the context was manyfold. At the time, we had been on a few different sales calls, it was a late Friday morning, and we were preparing to run down the cafe to get some lunch to bring back. He was in the middle of scouring craigslist to grab tickets for some concert that was going on that weekend. We had just wrapped up an executive update for our Israeli leadership, where we had outlined the activity level for the week, along with the crazy plans that were totally unreasonable for the upcoming week. During this time, we were averaging 3 cities a week with numerous demos and phone calls as virtual sales calls to prospects.
Much was landing on him, and I had the after effects of every call in terms of post meeting notes, follow ups, and further demo customization. My work life was enveloping me, and he was pouring it on. He seemed unruffled by it all and seemingly cavalier about it all. The calmness was infuriating.
Now, he was calling around to get tickets for a show, and he was working on multiple leads to get even cheaper tickets – playing the sellers off of each other. Right in front of me in the office.
So we grab lunch, and he can see I’m tense – he’s got a God given ability to ‘read people.’
We get back into the office, and we got into it as only two hard nosed guys pressing hard towards building a business can…
‘Bro, what’s wrong – you seem pissed.’
My response was a lot of frustration, and it was aiming mostly at him not appreciating how overloaded I was. How screwed I was over the weekend, now that I had all of this incremental work, and it was going to disrupt a few family things. To top it off – here is this guy shopping tickets for a show he’s been intending to attend for months, and at the last minute he’s working ticket deals during the workday. WTF MAN!
Looking back, he goaded me.
He had seen how out of balance I was, and he was waiting to give me some truth.
So he calmly smiles at me and goes —
Bro, when was the last time you took your girl out?’ Better yet, when was the last time you have had any fun for yourself – independent of her.
It was a shatteringly embarrassing question.
I couldn’t remember the last time.
Life had taken over with a newborn son, and helping to get this startup ramped – not much time left to do fun…
I stammered some bullshit answer out to him having been knocked off my game…
This is when he gave me the truth:
Bro, Life is Life.
There is no work life.
There is no personal life.
Just life.
I play as hard as I work, because I know my own gig. I run it all as my gig, and I do what I want to handle it in the way that I want. I come back every morning refreshed and ready to go. Weekends, weekdays – there’s no difference.
I am not sure I heard him, looking back. I can tell you that I did not listen, that is for damn sure. It pissed me off to hear this Dead Head to no end imparting this guidance. He then outlined how he does not overcompensate for work. And I know how hard he worked then, and he still cranks harder than most guys in their 20s. He’s relentless.
He made another point that has become a bit of a mantra for me as well:
‘There are no Monday’s if you do this right.’
His point here was that the weekends are an opportunity to continue the work, and that Monday’s offer a new change of pace to continue the work of life – either for his projects or for his employer. HIs point here was there are no special days of the week. Pick your current favorite:
- There are no Fridays.
- No Saturdays.
- No Sundays.
- Just days.
Can you imagine a lifestyle where the days are blending together to further your purpose with some days having differing focus points? Too simple?
So the split between work and life and balance is bullshit – live life intentionally and at full speed or at whatever speed you choose on a given day. Some days will be focused on work as the primary domain of life, other days you will be focused on family or fun or whatever Dimension of Life.
As you consider your life as an integrated mosaic to be put together however you like – things begin to crack open. More important and meaningful stuff can be accomplished in less time with a lot less stress.
I was not ready for the ‘Life is Life’ truth at the time. I was the complicating factor in implementing this truth for a solid decade. Only in the past few years, did this conversation come back to mind.
As I have been training up hard on productivity hacks and habit reformulation – did I rediscover this notion of an integrated life rather than a separate one that many cut into family, financial, work, and another domain or two.
I had made it too formulaic, too segmented, and too judgy. Now I find myself shopping for concert tickets and hitting concerts as I want. Although, I know that my mentor still gets better deals and still does it at the last minute…Last summer at Tom Petty being the most recent example!
At least I’m at the show now.
