Prior to something important that likely needs to happen - have you ever heard this beauty of a line?
“I don’t have the time”
OR
When something did not happen that really ought to have, possibly even a missed commitment?
“I didn’t have the time”
Both are likely true for the person using these phrases. I know, as I have used them plenty of times in the past. As I mentioned on an earlier post, I am a bit of a recovering workaholic.
I was the busiest guy in the room, and I prided myself on this fact. During more than a few start ups and businesses that were incubated inside of a much larger set of companies – I wore it like a badge of honor.
Then there were the off hours and weekend hours, where I pressed nearly as hard to get things knocked out given the mammoth needs of the business. The teams I worked with – many times were getting crushed similarly. Not to mention my familial and societal commitments too.
Looking back – some of this behavior was necessary, much of it I now know was not necessary. I’ll elaborate on the nagging sense I had during this time, but I shoved it aside given the need to produce. Okay scratch that, it was my need to produce.
I see this busyness syndrome even today in so many folks, and sometimes I end up relapsing without it being a deliberate and time boxed choice. Busyness used to be a badge of honor – years ago it was – however, nowadays I view it as something that is many times an indicator of imbalance – unless the person is deliberately opting into a ‘surge mode’ of activity. Surge modes are something I’m studying at the moment, and I’ll likely come back to this as a future topic.
Busyness many times equated for me as a lack of follow through and commitment. Built in excuses abound in this world of excess activity and many times – underwhelming throughput.
Here are some incredibly weak lines that I have used in the past, and I am attuned to these phrases nowadays:
- “Sorry, I did not get to that – I was too busy.”
- “I was late tonight as I was too busy at work.” (I actually used this last week, and I almost threw up as I uttered the words…)
- “I could have gotten it done, but there wasn’t enough time in the day.”
- “I’ve got a family thing tonight.”
- “I do not have time to sleep, I’m too busy.”
- “There is not enough time to make dinner, I’ll just grab something from -insert some reasonably healthy fast food shop-.”
- In speaking to my sons, “Let’s order some pizza!”
- “I can’t join you guys in Boston, I’ve got too much going on at work right now.”
- “Next summer, I’ll vacation in Boston.”
- “There’s no way I can workout right now, there is just too much going on at work.”
- “I’d love to go to Church, but my Sundays are my catch up day – Saturdays are crushed with soccer.”
- “I ran out of time.”
- “I forgot to call, and it was too late to reach out.”
- “I figured you were too busy.”
Every single one of these, I have used.
And I have abused.
In re-reading this list – I had to step away for a few minutes to get re-centered here. That list sucks, and it has an ache. It screams a lack of priority!
I’m really not a recovering workaholic, I’m a recovering busyholic. Work was and remains one facet of busyness.
Perpetually, busyness used to violate my boundaries. Time is a resource to be directed. Busyness is degenerative on so many fronts. It can tear apart relationships, starting with your relationship with yourself. It costs you money. It has cost me hundreds, probably thousands of hours of true rest and sleep. The opportunity cost is immense. Yet, we as a culture persist in the busyness of life.
I have a mentor that just destroys himself when he misses a commitment. He HATES letting people down – notice the self judgement there? He is not the ‘problem.’ It is busyness that is under the surface.
What sits under the busyness, anyway?
Well for me – it was and remains when it rears up – the need to produce.
What sits under the need to produce?
I could say it is my personality type (there’s a post!), or my Type A tendencies, or my upbringing in the northeast, or perhaps it is even more fundamental than that.
For me, and for a few guys I know – the root of it is an underlying lack of self acceptance fueled by some sort of emptiness. If you are busy – there’s a frantic reason that you can point to, but as you dig into this – watch what happens…
You will eventually find something that is three or four layers down that is fueling this behavior, and I assure you – it is not anyone other than you that can answer this one.
Perhaps this notion of emptiness is something to hit down the line…I’m going to leave this, right here…
So if we bring this topic back up a few notches, why are we so willing to be so busy – by default?
The by default is a BIG piece of this.
If you or I opt into the busyness, I believe that is okay if it is congruent with your goals/mission/vision. This may be my recovery as a ‘busyholic’ speaking, although I do see a lot of good in being intentionally into driving results to the exclusion of other things in your life – if done judiciously.
So what is the best way to combat default busyness?
- Get clear on your priorities.
- Get clear on your commitments based upon those priorities.
- Take your word seriously.
- Learn to say ‘no’ to things that are going to be in the ‘best effort’ bucket – resist the temptation by being silent or non committal. Take a stand. By saying ‘no’ you will force a refresh of priorities – particularly at work. There is a skill to saying ‘no’ and it starts by just starting to say ‘no’ with a welcoming attitude aimed at the resulting feedback that is sure to come your way.
All of the garbage lines above that I have used in the past – were a direct result of my not being super clear on my priorities. My credibility was many times in question with some of the most important people in my life due to this need to be productive and busy. I thought everyone would understand that I was doing my best, and that busyness was an admirable quality.
It was selfish.
Now I understand it is about the quality of my word and follow through – this imbues trust. Basic stuff now, but not when I was in the throes of busyness.
A final word – busyness is not good nor bad.
I argue that the intention you bring to this busyness is what matters most. You cannot have intention without clarity of purpose and priorities in your life. I can tell you that I’m in the midst of a major surge in a certain few dimensions of my life at the moment. Two of which were known to me months ago, as I planned to turn the page into June. One ‘surge zone’ is newly emerged focal point, which has pushed other things to the side. I opted into this third zone, and it is the right call at the moment. Three surge zones is my limit at the moment, this I know.
The ability to calmly pour everything I have into these priority zones of my life is something I never had a few years ago. My busyness is managed, intentional, and I own it – all without sacrificing my word anymore. It is seemingly the best approach, as the delivery of output is coming from a known place and the quality of output is a higher quality.
I also have found that the lines used to excuse myself for being too busy – are now greatly reduced.
This is progress, and the journey continues.
I admire your ability to self-reflect and process your busyness.