When I was five years old, I cracked my jaw falling off a 10 foot slide into a pile of glass, face first. I was lucky to have only a puncture in one lip, a cracked jaw, and a concussion. I was scared, I was in bad pain as they sewed up my lip without anesthesia, and I felt helpless. That was the only time I had ever broken a bone for over three decades, broken toes from soccer notwithstanding…
So in the fall of 2015, I ended up breaking my leg in a freak accident while playing soccer with some of the kids that I was coaching at the time. Miserable accident.
Little did I know when I heard the snap, that I had broken it in three places. Little did I know at the time that this was also a breakpoint on a number of fronts across my life. I proceeded to walk it off and managed to suffer through the weekend without going to the doctor…that was until Monday morning when my right ankle looked like a purple water balloon that desperately needed to be popped. When I shared the picture with my boss and said I was going to work – he called me and let me have it for being so stubborn.
So I got a ride from my wife to the doctor to get it looked at. The doctor ran me through the exam – seemingly horrified with my inability to admit the damage done. After a solid 30 minutes in the exam room and he stated that I could avoid a cast and surgery if I took his advice of wearing this big plastic boot, keeping it elevated, and coming back in a few days once the swelling was down to see how bad it was. Not sure he believed the line he was giving me – given the amount of swelling…
Well a few days later after mostly doing what he told me to do, I learned that i had pretty bad injury involving three points on my leg. I also was told that I had a freakish pain tolerance, as I didn’t take anything for the pain. Anyway, he proceeded to walk me through the snap, crackle, and pop of my broken leg. He advised me that I could avoid permanent loss of motion if I stayed off the thing, keep it elevated, and eventually get into an aggressive physical therapy program.
Looking back – what I learned during the recovery period eventually unlocked a slew of learnings in the course of 2016. The three primary learnings from the broken leg and recovery timeframe are:
Stubbornness – I was absolutely resolute both in a positive and in a damaging manner when it came to my recovery. I was resolute in terms of pursuing my physical therapy, but leading up to that – I was determined to do the recovery ‘in boot’ without regard to my work and home schedule. There were a number of business trips and soccer games done on the crutches. Looking back, this was just ego fueled stupidity. #FOMO
Unhealthy – I had developed a very unhealthy routine that likely contributed to the weird leg break that I had. I was in many ways a typical guy that had not truly taken care of my body the way I needed to. I was in decent shape in terms of cardio, but my strength was not where it needed to be. My body fat was too high, my energy level was uneven, and I was not focused on getting the healthy rest that I needed at the time. The imbalances I had in life were unintentional – these are the worst kind of imbalances.
Emerging Truth – Over the course of my recovery, I began to discover a number of truths about myself and about those closest to me that I had largely sidestepped – many times because the truth was too painful to accept. Well, I can tell you – when you have a snapped leg – clarity does come eventually – particularly when you are not drugged up on painkillers and dealing with constant pain – even at 3am. I welcomed the physical pain, I really did. The pain of the injury was bad, but the pain of the physical therapy was even worse. The worst pain wasn’t the physical pain, but the emerging truth that I had settled across a bunch of areas of my life. I’d love to say that I was pissed off by this, but I was still too clouded to recognize that I was under the influence of mediocrity and of ambivalence – even when I seemingly had it all. I was hurt on the inside, but no X-ray or self reflection at the time could provide the point of breakage…
So as I wound my way through PT, I promised myself that I would NEVER put myself or those that were closest to me in a position like I was in prior to the injury or during the recovery period afterwards. I promised myself that I would do better. I promised myself that I would start with a fresh look at the guy in the mirror both physically and internally – as I realized that I was not the electrical force I had been previously in much of my life.
I had strayed away from my truth.
This recognition was the most painful of all.
More painful than the broken leg I had experienced.
More painful than the belief that I was a slob (by my standards) during my physical therapy.
The most pain was a true fear that I was in serious danger of losing my fire and that I had let this happen.
The ensuing next few months were a heavy period of intense self reflection and this timeframe did set in motion a number of exceptionally positive and painful changes. At the time, I was very unsure where this was all headed, eventually I did what I am very good at.
I took action and decided.
The two big decisions from this period are:
- Intentional with Time and Energy – The first decision I made for myself was that of being intentional and directive with my time and my with my saggy energy.
- Lift and Get Strong – The second decision happened in May 2016 of that year when I decided to do something really simple as a man. Lift.
These two decisions have remained a constant daily practice that have since unlocked much more of a future for myself and for those that are closest to me.
Each of these decisions warrants a post or more, and I’ll round those out shortly.
